Lost and Found
by A.Boleyn
Summary: DL. A romantic getaway, and Lindsay and Danny must come face to face with the emotions from the past few months. Can they heal and start over? Oneshot post-S4.


Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, I'm not trying to make a profit, yada yada.

Note: This is a reflective Lindsay-centered piece. In order to write my next fic, I needed to work out the confusing mess of S4, and give it some closure (in my mind, anyway). It's not about uncovering what happened, but about moving forward. Once again I am writing about water... seems to be a habit. Thanks for reading!

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Lost and Found

Twice during the drive, he reached over to hold her hand. Maybe he wanted some type of reassurance, a confirmation that she still wanted to be with him. His hand wrapped around hers opened a conduit, sharing emotions without sharing words. The touch comforted them both.

The trip was less than two hours, but it seemed like an eternity. An awkward, silent eternity. Though they had made progress in repairing their relationship, the confinement of the car made things feel a bit too forced. She stared out the window, he concentrated on the road ahead. Friday night traffic was heavy, and there was no attempt at small talk.

Their destination was an inn by the sea, painted crisp white with silver-gray trim. For Lindsay, it hadn't taken much convincing to get her to come. A few days ago she found the brochure planted in her locker, with a sticky note. His treat, it said in messy but familiar handwriting, if she would go with him. It shocked her, because it was the first time in a long time he had expressed any strong interest in wanting her company. When she found him in the lab later, she was beaming and accepted his offer. They both knew it was what they needed – two days, two nights, away from the hustle and bustle of the city. There would be no risk of a ringing cell phone, calling them into work. A weekend of nothing but ocean and sand and each other.

She rolled down her window, inhaling deeply and detecting a hint of salty ocean air. "We're almost there," Danny said, reaching over to take her hand for the third time. She smiled back at him, but felt a quiver in her stomach. Lately, it seemed as if they were strangers who had known each other in a previous life. They had cherished memories, but she wondered just how well she knew Danny after all. It made her a little less trusting, and even though they were trying to mend their shattered hearts, she still kept him at arm's length. Of the barrage of emotions she felt, only one remained constant and unyielding - love. That was one thing she couldn't let go of; caring about him, loving him with everything she had.

They turned into the dirt driveway, and she was delighted to see the inn looking just as charming as it had in the brochure. As Danny unloaded their bags from the car, she surveyed the surrounding landscape – slightly rocky, but a flat stretch of beach, and unending ocean. Shouldering his overnight bag and her small suitcase, he pressed a kiss to her forehead before leading her up the walkway. "I'm glad you came," he said simply.

Smiling again, she looped her arm through his. "Me too."

Danny unlocked the door to their room, then stepped aside to let Lindsay enter first. She was instantly impressed: the décor was done in soft shades of blue, with a cushy shag carpet the color of sand. A large bed was against one wall, with a sofa sitting opposite it. The sliding glass doors opened to a small balcony, and steps that lead directly to the beach.

"It's beautiful," she mused, her expectations having already been exceeded. So far, so good.

But Danny began to stammer. "I should have said something earlier. The uh, bed – I forgot to tell you, there's, uh, the sofa pulls out into a bed, too."

"What?" she asked, perplexed, looking at his reddened face.

He cleared his throat and gestured to the single bed, trying again to explain himself. "There's really two beds. The sofa folds out into a cot. I didn't want you to think I expected us to…". His voice trailed off and he looked away, embarrassed.

"Oh." She smothered a laugh. When he invited her on this trip, she figured sex was also on his mind. It didn't matter if it was or wasn't, because she was not ready to resume intimacy just yet. He was going to have to earn that privilege. That said, she _had_ been looking forward to an excuse to snuggle up to him and sleep. It had been so long since they had shared a night together, so long since she had greeted the morning from the comfort of his embrace. So in that sense, she was secretly disappointed. But they had the weekend, she reminded herself, and then hopefully the rest of their lives. Sleeping several feet apart wouldn't kill them.

"You can have the bed," he offered, tossing his own bag on the sofa and beginning to unpack. She popped open her suitcase to follow suit and nodded, hoping her smile would convey her thanks while concealing her disappointment.

After they had settled in, Lindsay stood at the glass doors, watching the sun set over the ocean. The sky was striped with shades from lavender to mauve to creamy orange. As much as she missed the mountains, she had to admit this view was breathtaking.

Danny came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her. "Sorry there were no wheat fields around," he murmured. Their eyes met in the reflection of the door. The eye contact made her feel suddenly vulnerable, so she averted her gaze to the quickly darkening sky.

She had no words, but Danny was trying. His lips moved closer to her ear. "Thank you for not giving up on me." The pain in his voice made her heart melt. She was still angry, still hurt, but still so in love. She believed that he was truly sorry.

"I'll never give up on you," she sighed, turning around to press her face to his chest. He pulled her closely against him, hugging her so tight she would have feared suffocation if it hadn't felt so damn good. She didn't know how long they stayed like that, in a powerful embrace, rocking slightly as emotions washed over them. Finally, regrettably, they pulled apart. "I guess we should get some sleep," he said. "It's been a long day." It had been long, Lindsay agreed – after an unusually dull shift spent in anticipation and nervousness of this weekend, they had rushed to their own apartments to pack and then meet for the drive up. She was exhausted in every sense of the word.

The stars were just beginning to show as Danny and Lindsay crawled into their separate beds, whispering polite good-nights as the lights were flicked off.

Danny had been asleep for over and hour, but Lindsay was still uncomfortable. The bed was soft, welcoming, and plenty big - too big, in fact. It only seemed to increase her loneliness. Slipping stealthily from the bed, she crossed the room to Danny's cot and laid next to him without a sound. She even dared to tug a corner of his blanket over her own body. It felt good, providing a small dose of the closeness she had been missing and craving. She wished for his arm around her. Watching his face in the darkness, she saw peace. At least he found it in his dreams, she thought. Months of trying had taught her that peace was something only he could bring himself. Staring at the ceiling, she listened to his breaths, matching her own to his until she fell asleep.

It was barely light when Lindsay awoke – dawn was just breaking. Danny was still sleeping deeply, so she slipped from the sofa bed and threw on a pair of sweats over her pajamas. Quietly, she opened the glass door and strode down to the beach. It was too early for any other revelers to be out, save the hungry seagulls.

Clouds hung heavily in the sky as she wandered along the shoreline. Digging her toes into the sand, she made small furrows. Noticing a small branch of driftwood, she picked it up and drew a heart in the sand. For a moment she studied its symmetrical perfection before adding a sharp, jagged line down the center. A broken heart. Hers.

Walking back several yards from her impromptu artwork, she plopped down on the sand. The early morning hour was cool, and she was thankful for the warmth of her sweatshirt. As she watched the waves, she reflected on the past six months. It had been a time of loss, and she was still grieving those losses. She had lost the love of her life, the flawlessness of a new relationship, trust and intimacy. Slowly but surely she was finding those things again, along with a sense of resilience and strength. But she wasn't sure she had completely found Danny, most times he remained a mystery to her. If only it were possible to bottle up the frustration and hurt, and toss it to the waves to be swept out to sea forever.

She knew he was coming before he spoke. It wasn't so much that she heard his footsteps, but rather she felt his presence surround her like a warm blanket.

"If you wanted to sleep on the sofa bed, Montana, you should have just told me."

"What?" she asked, feigning confusion but knowing she was blushing.

He sat down next to her and chuckled, their elbows nearly touching. "Did you think I wouldn't notice an intruder in my bed?"

Sheepishly, while still looking out at the waves, she admitted to her crime. "I was lonely."

He smiled at her. "That's okay, I'm sure not complaining."

"It was nice," she added softly.

"It was. I've missed that."

They sat silently, watching a crab scuttle past, oblivious to them. Then Danny cleared his throat and turned to her. "I wish I could go back in time," he began.

"Don't," she demanded, cutting him off. "If we are going to try again, there's no point in going back. I don't know about you, but I don't want to go back. "

"There are so many things I wish I could undo. I guess it's just hard to believe you still want to give it another try… that you still want to be with me after all that's happened."

She shrugged. "I love you." It was a painfully honest, wistful statement; not the declaration of emotion that requires an instant echo from the other. Looking him in the eye, she added, "And I know you love me, too. So don't feel like you have to say it, or don't try to deny it." Even she wasn't sure if she was teasing or serious with that remark.

"And I do. I do… love you." It was the first time he had said it, and the moment she heard it, it took her breath away. She tried to recover in order to follow what he was saying now.

"You went through so much for me, Lindsay, I don't know how I can ever pay back that debt."

"Well, you did it for me," she pointed out. And he had – he had pushed despite her backing away, he had waited, he had been there even when she hadn't asked him to be. Patience, persistence, and support – that's what he had provided. That's why she had wanted so badly to be there for him, even when he kept his distance. Love was as painful as it was uplifting, as risky as it was comforting. Maybe that was the thing about love, she realized: it wasn't a single emotion, but rather many emotions contained by one word. "Everything seemed so perfect… but I guess perfect isn't real. Still, I wish I could put my finger on what went wrong."

"Maybe I just wasn't ready. For the intensity… of us."

"Are you ready now?" she asked, not looking at him, but watching a pelican dive into the waves. She needed his answer, his validation. Their future hung on that.

"So ready."

Suddenly, she leaned over to kiss him, capturing his lips possessively, their tongues mingling. It was their first such intimate kiss in so long. He tasted familiar and welcoming; kissing him was like coming home. He belonged to her, damn it, and all along she knew she wasn't going to lose him without a fight.

"Wow," Danny gasped breathlessly as they pulled apart. "Where'd that come from, Montana?"

She was done looking back. Here she was asking him to let go of the past, and all she could do was the same. If he could release the heartbreak and pain of the past six months, so should she. What had happened could not be undone, she couldn't control that. What she could control was how it affected her future. She knew what she wanted, and it was within her grasp - she wanted Danny. She wanted to savor every moment of this weekend: nap in a hammock, in his arms, as the crashing of waves lulled her to sleep. She wanted to make love to him as the cool ocean breeze cooled their feverish bodies. She wanted to return to New York with no emotional baggage, just a rock-solid relationship with the man she loved.

Standing up, she offered him her hand. He took it, standing also, and cupped her face with his other hand. "Is this going to be a new beginning, finally?"

Nodding, she stood on her toes to kiss him again. It felt so good, she couldn't get enough. "I have an idea," she whispered. "That big bed in our room needs to be tested out. Last night was such a waste. I mean, we need to get our money's worth out of the room…".

"I like your way of thinking." Danny laughed, his eyes sparkling with the happiness she had longed so much to give back to him. Hand in hand, they began to stroll towards the inn.

Remembering something, Lindsay stopped abruptly. "Hold on a second." She took several steps back towards the shore, where the tide was coming in. She waited, and watched. Watched as it flowed closer and closer, then over her crudely drawn broken heart, erasing it entirely, leaving the sand perfectly smooth and renewed.

Danny tugging her hand brought her back to earth. "Hey," he reprimanded gently. "No more looking back."

With a smile, and one last glance at the foaming water, she fell into step beside him as she echoed his statement. "No looking back."


End file.
